I have a serious problem. It is in some ways profoundly humiliating and in others, just downright stupid, so please bear with me as I offer you a humble confession of one of my deepest, darkest secrets.

The computer in my bedroom had been meant for good. I was fourteen years old, and had been entrusted with a machine that provided me an unfiltered link to the outside world. It was late at night, and I was all alone - lonely, even - so I began typing words into search engines, which I’d never dared to explore on any previous occasion. Call it young curiosity, or old-fashioned foolishness; what my young mind was about to encounter was a complex and darkly intriguing new world I had never known existed. And there was no turning back.

It has been eight years and nothing has changed. I still find myself regularly staring at the 15” computer screen on my MacBook Pro, reloading heavily bookmarked websites over and over within the course of a single minute, screaming like a girl at a Jonas Brothers concert when my Internet connection fails or stutters, and worst of all… I find myself consumed by an alternate identity that few recognize or understand.

It is a monster that is aggressively addictive and steadily impersonal; temporarily satisfying and embarrassingly fake. I can’t live with it, but I can’t go on with out it. A girlfriend wouldn’t understand it, and a true friend wouldn’t allow it. It is my rise and my fall, my bread and my poison. And it is high time I confess this addiction to all of the world.

No. Not porn.

Worse. Politics.

I am addicted, in the truest sense, to the vicious world of political engagement.

It is not uncommon for me to have a web browser open to Politico, RealClearPolitics, CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, ABC, Hot Air, and Town Hall all at once, all day long. It is not uncommon for me to find myself browsing these sites even as a friend on the phone pours out his emotional life story, in true need of my attention and compassion. Worst of all, it is not uncommon for me to forget eating, exercising, socializing, and occasionally breathing in order to focus on the latest and hottest headlines making their way across the world.

Somebody…help.

Nothing about this is healthy, but after years of developing my views and being saturated daily with information from a wide variety of news sources, I have become the ultimate media consumer; I have been transformed into one of the petty lemmings that drive media driven politics as we know it.

Seriously. Help.

I am an unashamed conservative, and take a lot of heat for it; particularly because I am a producer in Los Angeles where most, if not all, of my friends are either strict Democrats, or fierce anti-Republicans (and generally, both). While I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a Republican (unless of course I’m sucking up to one), I would say that my political beliefs are far enough to the right that I risk destroying opportunities of employment and possible business relationships if I choose to be real. The addiction, though, prevents me from shutting up.

My most prized political stances have not been shaped or forced upon me by any one particular radio program, newspaper, book or TV show. I have come to my conclusions about social issues, fiscal responsibilities, and foreign relations without the direction of any one partisan source; I am my own thinker, can come to my own conclusions, and I am proud of that fact.

In the midst of political stances, however, there is something troubling me so much that I am nearly ready to offer someone every possession I have for the opportunity to be cured of this… disease.

It is an emotion that haunts me. Whether I’m experiencing it or observing it, its presence is undeniable in politics. Its presence is inherent.

We call it hate.

A quick skim through the comment section of any political blog easily reveals the astonishing level of hate that exists for political candidates and their respective supporters. I’m not much help. If I am browsing a blog on Politico and happen upon some cruel statement directed at Senator McCain (whom I have decided to support), I’ll occasionally throw out a blisteringly witty attack post of my own, chuckle a bit in admiration of my new found zinger, then quickly surf to another site so as to avoid any potential confrontation a response to my quip might create. It isn’t about engagement at that point. It isn’t about discussion or understanding. It is about the self-satisfaction of knowing I’ve pissed someone off. It is about harshly addressing an Internet personality I’ve never met simply because I feel anger and hate towards their words.

Maybe ‘hate’ isn’t what it is. Maybe I don’t ‘hate.’ I hope I don’t ‘hate.’ I hope I’m just angry. My faith tells me I shouldn’t hate. My faith tells me to love my enemies (though it’s probably un-American to define Senator Obama and his supporters as my ‘enemy’). My faith tells me that hating is as bad as murder. Which leaves me in quite a bind, doesn’t it?

I suppose that what troubles me the most is that politics can bring this complex, deceitful and destructive emotion out of me and so many others with such ease and velocity. I think it is devastating, and I think it needs to be addressed in the context of the political landscape.

I would venture to say that many people who are engaged in national politics feel a stronger sense of ‘hate’ towards their party’s presidential opponent than they do towards crazy nutjobs like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong-il, and Hugo Chavez.

I would venture to say that there are many Americans who ‘hate’ George Bush more than Osama bin Laden.

And I would venture to say that there are many voters who ‘hate’ because the late night comics, partisan commentators, and disconnected campaigns want us to hate.

We need reform in American politics if we are truly to become a better nation with a better people who are better informed and more open minded when it comes to leadership.

We must stop the domination of two flawed parties and allow for third party candidates to stand a fair chance. We must stop the ridiculous back and forth attack statements between competing politicians. We must stop the use of hundreds of millions of dollars (publicly funded or not) for commercials and pamphlets that don’t have a standard for truth. We must end the lack of direct interaction with curious voters who don’t want to know how a politician performs under lights with prepared remarks, but rather what he or she genuinely believes in and what he or she has accomplished. We must stop this absurd setup of only three presidential debates and make it a weekly requirement for candidates to stand on a stage together and field questions from the people they hope to represent. We must demand that the media stop capitalizing on one word fumbles and the occasional inability to instantly recall specific facts, because while making for a juicy story on the evening news, it is the primary reason politicians avoid being spontaneous and honest. It is the primary reason why true leaders don’t dare set foot in Washington.

Enough. Neither the Obama campaign nor the McCain campaign have done anything even remotely different in the way they have run their operations. Both promised change and openness. Both failed. Both promised truth and integrity. Both failed. Both promised that this would be an election that was about issues, records, votes, and ideas. Both failed far beyond measure.

Until things change, Washington won’t bring about hope and prosperity, peace and a bipartisan spirit. Until we have an American system of politics that allows us to know our leaders as they truly are, and not what their logos, ads, press releases, and surrogates define them to be – anger and hate will flourish and nothing will be accomplished.

When all you know of someone are their impersonal soundbites and distant, lofty speeches… hating is an awfully easy thing to do. Being the political addict that I am, I finally have come to the realization that a presidential campaign in 2008 is nothing more than a television show with a good guy, a bad guy, and some really bad actors. A presidential campaign in 2008 is as far from reality as it could possibly be.

I have a serious problem. It is in some ways profoundly challenging and in others, just downright annoying, but please bear with me as I offer you a humble confession of one of my deepest, darkest secrets: I hate that we hate and know we’re better than this. I only wish our politicians knew it too.